Britney Spears talks about being estranged from her sons

Britney Spears has described her troubled relationship with her sons (pictured with her in 2013) in a new series of Instagram posts. (Photo: Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images)

Britney Spears has released a series of audio clips on her Instagram page in which she discusses her estrangement with her two sons, Sean Preston, 16, and Jayden, 15.

In the five-part recording, Spears, 40, describes everything from her sadness at losing touch with her boys to her troubled relationship with her father, Jamie Spears, saying she’s “praying she burns in hell.” In an interview with 60 Minutes Australia aired last week, Jayden defended his grandfather, saying people don’t “realize how much he cares for her.” The teenager and his brother both live with their father, Kevin Federline, who has claimed his ex-wife’s social media activity embarrasses the boys and keeps them away.

In the audio clip, Spears reflects on the pain she felt not having her children with her, saying she feels like “a huge part of me died.”

“I used to have more kids than Kevin,” she says. People don’t remember this part because they always focus on the negative, but when they were 6 to 9 years old, I had them 70% of the time. Since they left, I honestly felt like a huge part of me died. Like literally, I have no purpose anymore. It was my joy, it was my everything … it was what I lived for. And then all of a sudden, they left, and I was like, Oh my god, did my heart just stop beating? Honestly, I don’t understand how it’s so easy for them to cut me like that. I do not understand it”.

Spears also addresses her feelings for her father, who placed his daughter in conservatorship in 2008 after multiple hospitalizations, and backtracks on her previous response to Jayden’s statements. (In an Instagram post dated Sept. 2, the singer responded to her son’s criticism of her racist posts, telling him, ‘I’m sorry you feel like I’m doing it for attention. I’m sorry for the way you feel. But guess what?’ I have news for you. I’m a child of God, as we all are in God’s eyes. So NO I’m not sorry. I’ve learned to say it!!!”

In her new audio clip, however, Spears says that comment should have been directed at her father.

“Saying I’m a child of God is something I shouldn’t have said to you,” the pop star clarifies. “That’s something I should have told my father. I was always told that the only one who can fix your heart is the one who broke it. Go to the source. But that will never happen, because I pray he burns in hell.”

She also explains that she used to attend AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings under her father’s supervision and “could never miss a meeting.”

“The way my father made it for me, I had to leave no matter what,” she says, describing her treatment as “cutting me off from everything I knew … I felt like they were trying to kill me.”

Her desire to be heard these days stems from the years she was forced to remain silent, Spears says.

“With my kids now, claiming ‘she’s not good enough, she needs attention’, yes, I want to be listened to and I’m angry,” she explains. “All I know is that my love for my children is more than anything, and I’m sorry if I hurt you in any way.”

She ends the recording with a message for her sons.

“Until then, Jaden and Preston, I love you. I’m told you’ve blocked me. I hope you’re using the punching bag I gave you,” she says. “You guys are amazing at the gym. Happy early birthday. You guys can do pull ups. Wow. You are good at everything you do. I’m so blessed to even call you mine, and I just want you to know that please excuse my ignorance. to tell you ‘so’ — that was meant for my father.’

Video: Britney Spears’ son Jaden says he wants singer to ‘get better’

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