“They made me feel like nothing”

A brutally honest 22-minute audio clip was uploaded and then deleted from Britney Spears’ official YouTube channel Sunday night, which appears to be the singer detailing the timeline and horrors of her conservative position.

The clip, which appeared unlisted on YouTube before being deleted, contains audio and no video and appears to be Spears recording a note, and was shared on the singer’s Twitter account before the tweet was also deleted.

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The Hollywood Reporter has contacted Spears’ representatives to confirm the contents of the audio clip.

In the audio, which has been reposted by several YouTube fan accounts, Spears offers background on the court-ordered conservatorship she was placed under in 2008, with her father, Jamie Spears, acting as her sole conservator until it was terminated in November 2021. .

“So I woke up this morning and I realized there’s a lot going on in my head that I haven’t really shared with anybody,” Spears says at the start of the clip, explaining that she’s been holding back what she really believed. and I felt about the conservative position in previous interviews out of embarrassment about what others would think. “I’m here honestly to open myself up to others and try to shed some light on if anyone out there has ever been through hardship.”

Starting over, Spears, 40, says the preservative started when she was 25. “I was super young, I remember a lot of my friends texting me and calling me — and we were really close — and they wanted to see me. Spears said. “But what had happened, honestly, even to this day I don’t know what I really did, but [due to] my father’s punishment, I could not see anyone.”

“You have to imagine that none of this made any sense to me. I literally spoke with a British accent to a doctor to prescribe my meds and three days later there was a swat team at my house [with] three helicopters,” Spears says detailing the confusion of the time, adding that “playing paparazzi chase,” which she enjoyed, was used as further evidence of erratic behavior.

Recalling the night it all started, Spears said, “There were over 200 paparazzi outside my house filming me through the window of an ambulance holding me up against a garage.”

Spears says she believes the conservatism was “premeditated” and her parents colluded with outside evidence. “I know now it was all premeditated and a woman presented the idea to my dad and mom, [and] it really helped him keep going and made it all happen.”

“It was all basically set up,” says Spears. “There [were] No drugs in my system, no alcohol, nothing. it was pure abuse and I haven’t shared half of it.”

Spears says Jamie Spears wanted “control” of her life, which he got through the conservatorship. “He liked to control everything I did. I remember the first day, she said, ‘I’m Britney Spears and I call the shots,’ and I was fine then.”

The singer then goes on to describe at length the hardships and atrocities she had to endure under maintenance. Her every move was watched, the limitations on what she could and couldn’t do. “I was never able to leave or go anywhere,” she says.

“I was told I was fat every day. I had to go to the gym. … I remember feeling so disappointed and righteous, they made me feel nothing,” Spears reveals. “And I kept at it because I was scared and I was scared, I didn’t really do anything.”

Spears continues, “I had to play this role where everything was okay all the time and I had to follow him because I knew they could hurt me.”

“It was discouraging,” Spears adds. “You also have to understand, it’s been like 15 years of touring and performing. And I’m 30 years old, living under my dad’s rules. And while all of this is happening, my mom is witnessing it, my brother, my friends — they’re all going.”

Spears says she was forced to do tours she didn’t want to do, and in those moments when she tried to push back, in one particular case for a dance move she didn’t want to do, her father threatened her with more legal action, which would have as a result she loses even more of her freedoms. “I remember my dad calling me on the phone and me crying and saying, ‘Why are you doing this?’ … and I remember him saying: “You have to listen to the doctors. Doctors will tell you what to do. I can’t help you now.’ And I remember his last words were: “Now you don’t have to go [to the hospital], but if you don’t go, we will go to court and there will be a big trial and you will lose. I have a lot more people on my side than you. you don’t even have a lawyer.”

Spears says her treatment under conservatism was such that she “kind of stopped believing in God at the time” and wonders how her family and everyone in charge managed to “get away with it”.

Addressing the fan-led #FreeBritney movement, which exposed the singer’s plight to a global audience, “The whole thing that confuses me is that these people are on the street fighting for me, but my sister and my mother it’s not by doing anything,” says Spears. “To me, it was like they secretly really liked me being the bad guy – like I was messed up, and they kind of liked it that way. Otherwise, why wasn’t he outside my doorstep saying, “Baby, get in the car. Let’s go.’ I think that’s the main thing that hurt me.”

Spears blames her trauma on her family. “They literally killed me. They dumped me. This is what I felt: “My family threw me away.” She singled out her mother, Lynne Spears, who believes she could have gotten her lawyer to fight to end the conservative service, but never did.

“Honestly I’m more angry with my mom because I heard when the reporters called her at that time and asked her questions about what was going on, she would hide in the house and not talk,” Spears says. “He was always like, ‘I don’t know what to say. I just don’t want to say the wrong thing, we’re praying for her.’ I feel like he could get me a lawyer in literally two seconds.”

Spears ends the clip by explaining why she did it. “I’m sharing this because I want people to know that I’m only human. I feel victimized after these experiences and how can I fix it if I don’t talk about it?’

She added: “If you’re a weird introverted weirdo like me who feels alone a lot and needed to hear a story like this today so you don’t feel alone, know that my life has been far from easy and you’re not alone.”

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