Jennette McCurdy says she might miss her mom

Former actress Jennette McCurdy says she has found some closure since her mother's death.  (Photo: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic)

Former actress Jennette McCurdy says she has found some closure since her mother’s death. (Photo: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic)

Jennette McCurdy says she’s finally at a point where she can miss her mother, despite the years of abuse she endured while her mom was alive.

In conversation with Anna Faris on the podcast Anna Faris is UnreservedMcCurdy, 30, said she has finally found some peace 10 years after her mother died after a battle with breast cancer. The iCarly The alum has written about her complicated relationship with her mother in her new memoir I’m glad my mom died.

“I think closure is difficult to achieve, if it’s even possible to achieve,” said McCurdy, who recounted her mother’s alleged abusive behavior, which included teaching Jennette to be anorexic and bathing her in her teenage years. years. Book. “But I think that’s what the book helped me with. I think there was some effort to find closure. Now, I’m able to have that experience with my mom where I can just miss her.”

McCurdy characterized this reaction to “whatever grief is now” as “relief.”

“To just have ‘oh, I miss her’ and that can be it. Instead of ‘I miss her, I want to throw something away, I’m angry, I’m hurt, I don’t want to lose her, I miss her,'” the author recalls. “It was so complicated for so long, and now it’s easier.”

Reflecting on her childhood, McCurdy spoke about how “normal” it became to grow up in an abusive home. Despite the constant chaos that ensued, including physical abuse, McCurdy didn’t realize that her life wasn’t exactly normal.

“For me, my brothers played Nintendo Golden eye while my mom chased my dad around the house with a knife. It just becomes so normal and part of the daily routine,” the former Nickelodeon star explained. “When I was little, I didn’t realize it was abuse or trauma. I just thought “Boys are playing 007moms go after dad with a knife, grandma cries with toilet paper on her head.”

When asked by Faris where she hid during the chaos at home, McCurdy said there was nowhere to hide in the house as her mother was a hoarder and the house was full of things she collected.

Faris also questioned how McCurdy had the nerve to turn down the $300,000 “thank you gift” that Nickelodeon reportedly offered her if she agreed to never speak publicly about her experience at the network while working on iCarly and McCurdy’s spin-off with Ariana Grande, Sam & Cat. The offer was a result of McCurdy working for an unnamed man, referred to as “the Maker,” who allegedly forced her to drink when she was underage and massaged her. (McCurdy does not name the “Creator” in her book, but iCarly was notoriously the brainchild of Dan Schneider, who was scouted by ViacomCBS before his departure from Nickelodeon in 2018.)

While she ultimately chose not to accept the money, McCurdy told Faris she was conflicted about the decision.

“I was 21 and just coming from a place of self-righteousness,” McCurdy said. “And right after the decision, you’re like ***, that’s a lot of money. I could have put my nieces through college.”

McCurdy also touched on her current life, including the joy she can find in her relationship with her boyfriend, who has been “really supportive.”

“I didn’t know what a healthy one looked like, with my pattern of unhealthy relationships. I thought a certain degree of involvement was normal, or a certain pattern of behavior, or the cycle of relationship tension and bickering—I thought these things were normal and maybe it’s for products of dysfunction,” McCurdy said. “Being able to be in something where it’s really good communication and validating each other’s feelings and not having to take on other people’s feelings and being able to provide support , changed my world quite frankly. I didn’t know this kind of thing was possible.”

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